Fall Out Boy Needs to DIE!
by Queen Artemis
Summary: A relationship falls prey to the lyrics and beat of Fall Out Boy. Who is it? And why?


Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek, Fall Out Boy, or any of the songs by the aforementioned band.

A/N: This will be a lot better if you listen to Dance, Dance (Fall Out Boy) while you're reading it. Really. There's even a great LWD music video to it onYouTube.

* * *

I hate Fall Out Boy. Someone needs to murder that band. Their music sucks, their lyrics are crap and they look like a bunch of gay nerds. And if all that wasn't bad enough, they are the reason I broke up with my girlfriend.

I could always tell her mood based on the music she was listening to. When it was Martina McBride and Trisha Yearwood, that was the perfect time to be romantic-she would always appreciate it. When she was blasting Nickelback, I knew that I should either get myself a nice comfortable place to sit while I listen to her tirade about the horrid nature of man or prepare myself for a make out session. When she listened to Kanye West, Fort Minor, or Eminem, she was angry, but not with me. And so on, and so on it went, just listening every day to the CD she picked to tell me what mood she was in.

And then it happened. Her stepbrother introduced her to Fall Out Boy. Now, I am not one to hate someone at first sight, but her stepbrother-man, I despised that boy. He was always trying to keep Casey's attention on him, even if it meant she was fighting and throwing things. But I always knew that she was mine. Until Fall Out Boy.

It started out completely innocent. She started listening to the song The Carpal Tunnel of Love. I didn't think anything of it. That was my mistake. You would think I would have learned after dating her for three years that music means everything in her life. Just a couple of lines here and there "we're so miserable and stunning", "love songs for the genuinely cunning", and "We're throwing stones at a glass moon". I should have got it then. I should have realized there was something wrong. But I ignored it, thinking Fall Out Boy was just a stage, and soon we would be back to Martina and Nickelback. Boy, was I wrong.

Her new favorite song became Sugar, We're Going Down. I mean "sleeping for the wrong team"? Something should have clued me in, but no. I got a little suspicious when I heard "I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song", but it wasn't until THAT song that it all became clear to me.

For some reason, we had decided to carpool with her stepbrother and his "girlfriend" to our friends' party. I am not sure why I agreed to that, since I knew the entire car ride would consist of them being at each other's throats, but what can you do? I had agreed, and so I was in for a long car ride.

The entire ride they were yelling at each other for some stupid reason. Something to do with a soccer game and a hot dog stand. I didn't ask, I really didn't want to know. I could see that Derek's "friend" was uncomfortable, but there wasn't much I could do about it. I was too focused on trying to drive and trying to keep Casey from crawling into the backseat to strangle Derek. I should have realized that the passion she gave to her hatred would easily turn to something else.

By the time we pulled up in front of the party, Derek and Casey were in a full blown war about who was a better dancer. I didn't want to touch that argument with a ten-foot pole. I mean, Casey's a great dancer, but I knew Derek was a bit…shall we say, cooler, than Casey was. So instead of staying and refereeing the fight, I grabbed…Kelly's?...hand and pulled her inside the apartment. I should have stayed. I have been beating myself up about this since then. Maybe if I had stayed, or taken Casey inside with me? But no, it was bound to happen. It was pretty obvious that there was something else going on.

But anyways, back to the party. Candice? and I were standing at the bar, looking for something to drink when I heard a commotion, and then THE song came on. I turned around just in time to see Casey and Derek start dancing to Dance, Dance.

She says she's no good  
with words but I'm worse  
Barely stuttered out "A joke of a romantic"  
Stuck to my tongue

Derek started, moving his body in a direct challenge to Casey. You could see her getting more and more angry, until she started dancing. And then all hell broke loose.

Weighed down with words too over-dramatic  
Tonight it's: "It can't get much worse."  
Vs. "No one should ever feel like..."

I'm two quarters and a heart down  
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds  
These words are all I have so I'll write them  
So you need them just to get by

By the time the chorus started to play, the entire room was watching Derek and Casey go at it. They were dancing, but the passionate anger had changed to something more…sexual.

Dance, Dance  
We're falling apart to half time  
Dance, Dance  
And these are the lives you'd love to lead  
Dance, this is the way they'd love  
If they knew how  
Misery loved me

You always fold  
Just before you're found out  
Drink up its last call,  
Last resort,

But only the first mistake and I...

Why don't you show me  
The little bit of spine  
You've been saving  
For his mattress, Love

Why don't you show me  
The little bit of spine  
You've been saving  
For his mattress  
(mattress, mattress)  
I only want sympathy in the form  
Of you crawling into bed with me

Dance this is the way they'd love  
Dance this is the way they'd love  
If they knew how misery loved me

I stopped watching them before the end of the song. It's almost impossible to watch your girlfriend getting so ardent with another man, so I stopped. That was another mistake. I should have dragged her away from him before the song even began, but I assumed this contest would end like all their others and she would come running back to me for comfort right after. By the time 4am rolled around, I knew that I was wrong. As I drove home, Fall Out Boy's Hum Holiday mocked me with the words "Til tonight do us part/I sing the blues/And swallow them too". I should have known.

And it shouldn't have surprised me, the text I got the next morning. But it did. It derided me for not seeing what was right in front of my face. But those four words, they still haunt me. Thnks fr th mmrs.

So I've officially declared it. Fall Out Boy needs to die.

* * *

Ok, so I don't really hate Fall Out Boy. I love them, in fact. But I just thought it would be hilarious to make someone's relationship follow along the lines of Fall Out Boy songs. And who better than Casey and Derek?

Just had to add that little note!

Love you all!


End file.
